an early stress

time check: 8 months to go before the wedding.

things have been moving in a very slow pace. we haven't really added anything in our accomplishments list since february. i hope we are not taking it too easy.

gowns. i'm getting a little nervous about this. when i went home last feb, we booked our gown designer. we booked in good faith - no sketches, no serious talks at all. he had a lot of good feedbacks in w @ w so i was pretty confident that he delivers well. that, plus i've seen his portfolio and his designs are great! i met him one saturday last feb. he didn't sketch then. he just asked for details and inspiration and told us that if we decide to get him, he'll send the sketches via email.

i thought that i will go ahead with the booking after seeing the sketch, just to be safe, and we left the shop. after 2 days, i was eager to check the gowns designer on my checklist. so i said, i'll just go ahead with the booking - in good faith - and just wait for the sketch. if i don't like it, then i'll just tell him to sketch another one.

so we deposited the DP to his account and sort of "booked" him.

then came some negative feedback in w @ w. negative as in: he didn't deliver on time for this bride and the outcomes were not satisfactory. then that's when i started to get nervous. i don't know what his reasons are for not delivering for that bride as agreed.

march is over and i still don't have my sketches. i followed up a number of times but he's really hard to reach. i was lucky last thursday. i saw him on chat and asked about the sketches. he said he'll send them after the holy week. he isn't apologetic at all. sure, it's just a sketch, but if you say you'll send something to a client by this date, aren't you supposed to keep track of it somehow? and deliver? otherwise, send a notice that you can't? it seems he isn't even aware that he promised the sketches by march. sheesh.

somehow, trust is broken. i'm not sure if it's too early to worry about it or if it would be better to withdraw this early and look for another one. the problem is, i'm not sure if he'll be happy to return the DP. sigh.

quasi-cherry blossom festival

it's cherry blossom season in japan :) i've always wanted to go. well, japan is on my places-i-must-see-before-i-die list, with or without cherry blossoms!

there is a park in front of our apartment. and there are a number of quasi-cherry blossom trees there :)) quasi, because: they are NOT cherry blossoms. the flowers resemble the kalachuchi flowers in pinas. mygali. they are quasi-cherry blossoms AND quasi-kalachuchi. what are they?! hahaha!

one morning, before going to work, i was mesmerized by the bed of flowers that formed on the ground. the trees adorned with flowers are wonderful to look at. the bed of flowers is also gorgeous, but it's a bit mushy if you step on them hehe.

flowers everywhere! flowers on the grass, flowers on the kanal rails!

cherry blossoms everywhere (weh kunwari lang!) white ones and even pink ones a few meters away!

flowers on the sidewalk. ;) lovely!

dear japan,

will you wait for me? one day i'll see you.

mwah!

love,

me

seven churches, a semi-full moon, and fried beehon

maundy thursday, after office, the camachos went to visit 7 churches.

we also commemorated the stations of the cross. two stations per church. it was a good experience.

i somehow feel the spirit of Holy Week is slowly draining out of my system so this is a very humbling and timely experience for me. glad to have done it with people closest to my heart.

when i was younger, the spirit was oh so alive. there would be pabasa of the pasyon within the neighborhood. the pasyon was broadcasted via loud speakers so it's undeniable that it really is the Holy Week! i miss mami. we used to do the visista iglesia together. i wasn't active even back then. it's just that the feeling is different when you are in the philippines.

there were also a number of times that we were in mindoro for Holy Week. we would join the procession and we also witnessed the penitensya rites. it was a bit scary. i didn't understand this ritual back then, really. for me, they were just a group of scary men. now, i understand what they were trying to do.

here are the seven churches that we visited. our route was: from city going to the east. please forgive the poor quality of the pictures. my humble phone did its best given the absence of good light.

St. Joseph's Church

Church of Saints Peter and Paul (church under renovation)

Cathedral of the Good Shepherd

Divine Mercy (this will be our parish come May 1)

Holy Trinity

Our Lady of Perpetual Succour

Church of the Holy Family

the semi full-moon - i loved how the moon watched over the earth with love that night.

yummy fried beehon. what is penitensya? after the four-hour event, the camachos got hungry and decided to share this lovely meal together. it was perfect with pickled chilies and hot soup and fried tofu. this eatery was just across the last church.

we started at 7:30 and ended at 11:30pm. i really, really loved the experience. i'd also love it if our future kids will keep this tradition alive!

a sponge can only absorb so much water...

tired and still homeless

we've been house hunting for the past 2 or 3 weeks. it's a tiring ordeal! we have viewings after office hours. we also have a lot during weekends. during weekdays, we would rush from the office to various flats and go home at around 9 or 10 pm all drained and tired and hungry. on weekends, we spend almost the entire day doing the same thing.

this is the first time that we'll get a unit on our own. we always had acquaintances as housemates. with the baby coming, we feel it might be difficult to still share the home with people outside of the family. it might be unfair for them.

this sounds exciting but this also means that expenses will be higher. all expenses will be divided by 3 instead of the usual 5 or 4. whew. we better get ready for this!

for the first time, we considered getting an hdb unit. hdbs are public housing units and rents are considerably lower than condos are private apartments. there are really nice hdb units around, especially the ones that are renovated or well-maintained, and you will almost have no reason to get a private flat. if you stay in condos or apartments, you pay for the amenities, security, and the ehem nice view. hehe. hdbs are quite spacious compared to the private housings but there's still the fact that anybody could just come in and out of your floor. these units are not fenced or guarded, but then again, it's quite safe here.

so after viewing unit after unit, we considered the following units:

- hdb flat in pasir ris (2k) - we were 8 hours too late for the offer. we viewed the unit one weeknight and waited too long the next day. when we decided to offer, the unit was already taken. it was a really spacious and clean unit. we wanted it badly but the competition within tenants is also fierce. every minute counts.

- unit in clear water condo (3.1k) - we offered for 2.7k. hehe it was like shooting for the stars. we were probably insane for offering such a low amount for the unit, but it was the highest that we were willing to go - 2.7k. unit was perfect, with 3 rooms plus an extra small room plus a maid's room. just perfect. however, condo was not that accessible. even if it was, the owner didn't accept our offer of 2.7k. "crazy tenants! wanting to rent my perfect unit for 2.7k" haha!

- unit in white house condo (3k) - again, we offered 2.7k. this is the ultimate unit! accessible 100%, pretty, pretty, nice, nice! 3 rooms, no maid's room. we are waiting for the owner if he will accept our offer. we are crossing all body parts that we could cross!

so after all of these, as i said, we are all tired and still homeless! we still have 1 month and 1 or 2 weeks. timer starts now!

feeling her for the first time

in about 2 to 3 weeks, baby girl will have her first taste of life-giving oxygen. for more than 8 months now, she has been this silent living creature inside april's belly. in all those 8 months, i have never felt her move. sometimes, april feels amazed at how likot she is. sometimes, she complains because the movements are too rigorous, almost painful. baby girl moves when april sits too close to her office table. apparently, baby doesn't like it when things are in contact with april's tummy. hehe. that or maybe she somehow feels that something is close by and she wants to play with it.

i've been waiting for the perfect timing when i could feel her move. see, i had to wait for more than 8 months :) while we were having lunch today, april called us when she felt baby move. i ran and felt her... and there it was, the perfect moment! i felt her move!!! i think it might have been her knees that moved like a giant wave on april's belly! it was soooo amazing! i love her already!

the last time we had a baby at home was when wawin was born. it was 1986 and i was 6 years old. wawin was a delicate little child. as he had congenital heart disease, we were very careful when he cried. he would get out of breath and his lips would turn purple. those were frightening days.

that was so many years ago. now, i wonder how it feels like to have a baby in the house again. :)

dear keyla,

auntie cat awaits for you. get ready for countless hugs and kisses and showers of love! the world has so many things in store for you.

love,

nanay, tatay, auntie cat, and uncle toy

(april, kuya, me, wawin)

magtatakipsilim

sa mga panahong ganito (read: mga panahong madrama ako), naiisip ko ang kanta ni wency na next in line: "what has life to offer me when i grow old?" pwede rin namang que sera sera: "will i be pretty, will i be rich?" (talagang yung line ba na yun dapat?!?)

sa taong ito, mag-30 na ako. siguro palapit na nang palapit sa pagtatakipsilim ng buhay ko. remember, paikli nang paikli ang life span ng tao. who knows, naabot ko na ang 1/3 ng buhay ko. meaning hanggang 90 years old akong aabot. kung maging nega ako, maaaring isipin kong naabot ko na ang kalahati ng buhay ko. so feeling ko 60 years ang hangganan ng buhay ko? kung maging ultra nega pa rin ako, maaaring 80% na ng buhay ko ang na-spend ko.

grabe. this is scary. wala pa akong anak. wala pa akong asawa. hindi ko pa nagagawa lahat na gusto kong gawin. hindi ko pa napupuntahan ang lahat ng gusto kong puntahan. lumilipas ang bawat araw na nagtatrabaho lang ako, nagbabasa ng facebook at twitter, gumagastos. at pagdating pa ng ganitong petsa ng buwan, ayan na nagsisimula na akong maging monster mag-isip. idagdag na natin yan sa pampalipas-oras ko. hay. talaga naman oo!

bakit si mami, nung 30 sya may 2 na syang anak? hmm, in fact, 3 na ata e! grabe! ang dami-dami na nyang napagdaanan at nagawa. sa taglay ba naman nyang tapang at talino e! hay. ibig sabihin ba nun, duwag ako at medyo hindi ako matalino?

hay. magawa ko lang ang mga ito, siguro ok na ako. hindi na ako matatakot.

1. magkaron ng pamilya at anak. super pangarap ko talagang magka-anak. feeling ko, ang dami-dami kong love na gustong ibigay kung bibigyan lang ako ng chance. iba yung love sa asawa, iba rin yung love sa baby/ies. gusto kong i-shower unconditionally yung 2 love na yun.
2. merong nagpupumiglas na desire sa kalooban ko na gumawa ng something. it doesn't have to be grand as in "change the world!" kahit na sa "make a difference!" level lang super happy na siguro ako. the thing is, hindi pa sya pinapakita sa akin kung ano man yun. pero i strongly feel na there's something! excited akong i-reveal sakin yun. yung giving back factor ba. lead me and i'll follow.
   
3. mapagsilbihan ko si mami, or at least make her happy - si mami ang constant good thing in my life. ayokong dumating yung time na magiging alone si mami. she's been through a lot.
4. makita, at least, na masaya ang 2 kong kapatid at ang sari-sarili nilang pamilya.
   

for now, yun ang mga wish list ko. syempre there's someone greater than me and me wishing these. there's someone wiser who knows better than me - one who will grant OR will not grant these wishes. tiklop naman ako e. :) tina-try ko namang maging masunuring bata. hehehe.

ayan parang hindi na ako malungkot. :) siguro naman hindi pa 80% no? :p